• Yingru Qiu

Born to Die

Updated: Jul 27, 2018

8:20 PM

Everything, and every person I loved, will eventually disappear in my life. We meet, and we part.

We are nothing but a fleeting quantum event in space-time, just like an ocean wave that is being shot and played in slow-motion. But at the same time, we are at the center of the most intriguing show that has ever been played in this universe.

The result is always uncontrollable. The only thing I can control is now, right on this moment. How do you feel right now? If you love every single moment on your way striving for a goal, you will love the result, no matter the outcome. Do you enjoy your journey so far?

8:39 PM

Everything I wrote in here, may come from any sources I have interacted with. It could be my dream, the people I met, or any experience I have encountered. It will and always will be edited. Would such an edited version hurt my credibility? Possibly not, as many people may notice, even most renowned documentaries have been went through quite a lot of editing and posing. People should expect that, any works from any authors, will inevitably have their own subjective world view weaved through -- I might be lying about some of the details, but what I'm presenting to you right now, is what I'm trying to tell you, all the time.

11:00 PM

Kodokushi -- Die alone, has been a major issue in Japan. Ranging from middle-aged people to the aged, people are dying alone. They're from varying background, some of them are rich, some of them are poor, but they all have one thing in common -- the lack of social life. A possible psychological activity for those people -- Even though I'm in a serious health condition, and I eagerly want to talk to someone, but I don't want to trouble anyone, because there's no reason for connection. I don't know how long it's been like this, but I know it's been like this for very long, and there's no reason for change. Or maybe I'm just afraid of change.

10:01 AM

Morning is a good time to envision my life later on. Ranging from what I want to eat for the next week, to what I want to become 1 year, 3 year, or 5 year from now. Even though I know the further the plan is, the more unpredictable the plan will become.

Next week: Thinking about how to make my diet food more delicious. Right now even thinking about a spicy chicken wing make me salivates me (¯﹃¯) .

Next year: While doing an internship in summer, I hope I can continue to compete BJJ in IBJJF, meet friends, be healthy, physically and mentally.

Next 3 year: 1) Earn a degree in Computer Science and Philosophy, I can't wait it.

2) Learn how to fly -- I mean, I want to have a PPL (Private Pilot License), probably gonna cost me 11,000 dollars. Right now I'm poor as fuck, so I need a good job and I need to strategically invest my money.

Next 5 year: Fuck it, I don't even know if I can live that long. Maybe I'll die in an accident or have some serious illness, who knows. If that didn't happen, I hope I can enjoy my work, and be proud of it. The rough idea here is something involved computer science, business, and people relationship. I hope I can create something of values, solve big puzzles, meet some great friends to love and being loved.

Today's Book:

Big Kids by Michael DeForge: A mind-blowing graphical novel. It will change the way you look at the people around you, and yourself. Have you become a tree yet? Do you mind telling me the moment when you realized that you have turned into a tree?

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